Letting it go by Tracy Williamson

Last week I was staring at my computer feeling a rising sense of panic as I fought off the realisation that I couldn't fulfil my dream of completing two new books this year.  Too much time had gone by, days shooting past like a river in full torrent.  It had been lockdown so what had I done with the time? But every day had been full and busy, I'd done this and that, all in the name of ministry.  I'd read books, I'd sorted the house, I'd walked the dog, I'd, I'd . . .

But now lockdown was ending, people were visiting again and I'd hardly started! 

I'd been so sure I could accomplish this task because after all, one book was to be made up of material I'd already written - devotionals I'd shared throughout the lockdown.  What could be simpler than collating them together into a\book?  It was true I'd already agreed to write another from scratch that would involve a lot of prayer and study as well as writing, but surely I could get it done?  So I'd agreed and got started with great enthusiasm.

And now here I was, a few months in, facing a blank screen and a year already half way through. Suddenly, as I started to open a new file, the thought came clearly to my heart, 'you need to let it go.'

Let it go?  what did that mean?  I'd already worked so hard on it, how could I justify wasting my time on something I wouldn't finish?  'No Lord,' I said, 'I know that's not you.  I need to persevere and claim the victory, not succumb and let it go!'

But the thought came back, clear, gentle yet strong
'You need to let it go child. let the grain fall to the ground.  Be brave and trust me.  If you want the fruit you need to let it go.'

For me when I have an idea for a piece of writing, it comes from a deep place within me of longing and delight.  Longing to write in such a way that others will be uplifted, helped and inspired; delighting in the process of putting meaningful words together, life, colour and beauty. It all becomes dear to me, a part of me that I am bringing to life for others to share.  How could I let that go?

But deep in my heart I knew that voice of love.  It was God giving me wisdom.  He knew me better than I knew myself and He knew that if I tried to do two books, the most important work would then be compromised and rushed.  To bring to life the full beauty of the second work, I needed to let go of the first and only then would the fruit come. 

I've now made that choice.  I felt sad and grieved for the loss of what I'd carried in my heart for several months.  But this is the beauty and the mystery of the Christian life - the moment I said 'yes Lord' and let go, I knew a deep joy and a bubble of excitement rising up that now I could give myself wholly to the other book knowing that real beauty would come. He has guided me to let go and will keep on guiding me.  This week it was to let go of a book idea.  Next week it may be to let go of a certain plan of action. It won't ever be easy but just as Jesus' letting go of His very life brought such incredible fruit for all, so I can trust that beautiful fruit WILL come as I listen for His voice and choose as He leads, to let go..  It reminds me of Psalm 30:5 'weeping may endure for a night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning.'

Tracy Williamson is a writer and speaker working alongside blind singer songwriter Marilyn Baker for MBM Trust. www.mbm-ministries.org.  Tracy's latest book A Beautiful Tapestry was published Nov 20 and she is now working on a new book about Holy Transformation for Authentic Media

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