Letting go by Tracy Williamson

I am in a season of my life where I am needing to let go, to relax my hold, to lay down my hopes and expectations and to trust things into God's hands.  But as the disciples found after the arrest and death of Jesus, it is very hard to give up what we have held dear.  It feels as if we are betraying ourselves if we even dare to think that something can't be as we were hoping for. We may struggle and strive with our whole being to make something happen, but could God be saying 'Child, let go?'

Sometimes letting go is so important, for without it, will we really be able to step into all that God has for us now? For example, if the disciples hadn't let go of their dream that Jesus had come to be the mighty over-thrower of Rome and its control over their land, they may have missed altogether the far greater miracle that was staring them in the face. 

A few years ago now I made the brave (or foolhardy) choice to do a skydive.  I have shared about it before on here so will just share one detail, my need to let go of the plane door when it was time to jump.  I was the first in line in our little group on the plane, so I was sitting right by the hatch when it opened.  We were 13,000 feet up and all I could see of the ground was a greeny haze far below.  Suddenly I was terrified and sure I'd made the wrong decision to do the dive.  The person behind me can go instead and I'll just sit the time out in the plane, I thought.  But then I realised there was no room to manoeuvre.  If I didn't jump no one else would be able to either.  I had to ignore my fear, choose to trust and literally, let go.
I was so glad I did, because although it was terrifying initially as we free fell in all the tumult of spinning wind and noise, the exhilaration was awesome and the joy of flying and seeing from heaven's perspective, incredible.

Now in this present season it is not a plane door I need to let go of, but many things that have been extremely dear to my heart for a long time.  Last Saturday I had to say goodbye to my beloved Hearing dog, Goldie.  He is still alive and well but was retiring and Hearing dogs had a new dog for me.  I couldn't keep Goldie because I share a home with my blind friend Marilyn and her guide dog.  3 dogs would be unmanageable for us but although I knew it was right to let go, I found it so hard.  He had a wonderful new home to go to with people he loved and his old doggie companion Saffie, but I just wanted to hold him to myself. But there was a new adventure about to start for me if only I could let go of the old and step into the new.  

In my writing too I am coming to the realisation that I need to let go.  I've tried too long to be a certain kind of writer, constantly flowing in my output, full of creativity, new ideas and yes new books.  But this year I have struggled more than ever before to have ideas and flow with words.  I feel I have failed but I also need to let go of that wrong view for God is gracious and compassionate and full of loving understanding.  He knows my life and has made me to be me and no one else and my output can only flow when I let go not just of the plane door, or of a beloved dog, but of the false sense of what I should be achieving.  

I wonder if you are struggling and need to let go of certain expectations you've put over yourself too?  I wonder if you are holding onto certain hopes and dreams that God is gently asking you to entrust to Him?  Is it time to let go and free fall into God's grace and to see the beauty of a heavenly viewpoint that would be otherwise hidden? The caterpillar has to let go of every aspect of the life it knows, but it emerges as the most beautiful and breath-taking of creatures. 

I know that is what God has for me too and that in my writing, as I, like that caterpillar, let go and trust, that beauty, wonder, freedom and exhilaration will be born.  That is true for us all.

Tracy Williamson is a writer of Christian devotional and teaching books and works together with blind singer/songwriter Marilyn Baker for MBM Trust  www.mbm-ministries.org  Tracy and Marilyn share a home in Kent together with their 2 brand new assistance dogs, Guide dog Arlo and Hearing dog in training, Bailey



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